An ordinary girl

I am unlucky,You know that...

But I am lucky,I know that...

I lost my life & came to know what life is....

I value it & want live it up to my expectations...

I may not be the same again,never mind....

I am ready to face ups and downs in the roller-coaster ride known as 'life',

I don't need  your help ,to heal my wounds...
Just leave me the way I am...

'Stop hurting me any more'.

Your truly,

An ordinary girl with extraordinary love for you.

Doomed

There's never a day in the past,that you didn't think of me,

I never knew I was lucky.

There's never a day in my present,that I didn't think of you,

I never knew I was cursed.

I never knew anything,

 Never realized how close we are,

Never fathomed how strong our bond is,

Never recognized how special you are,

But today I knew my life is doomed without you.

I also knew you deserve some one better than me.

Have a great life,
             My love.

P.S:I just penned whatever came into my mind,with few modifications.Hope you like it.

P.P.S : I am busy these days watching 'BONES'.I watch some 7-8 shows daily, that's how I am spending my holidays.Boring right??Still I love it:P

Invisible Mask!!!

I love myself for having so many nostalgic movements including the ones that left me bitter , this makes me realize I am just an ordinary soul full of emotions.I always thought myself as an human being with mask all the time so people around me can never try to decipher who I am.

But I never predicted people around me are also in the mask that prevented me from diagonalizing who they are.Their lives are filled with emotions & sickness that's making them collapse & prevent them from moving towards the future.

Today I gave a call to 'G',whom I have known from childhood.By the end of the call I realized all of us living in the world or much better trying to live in the world that's completely invisible to our human eye.I never thought of 'G' as a person who had emotions behind his witticism.Relations are so complex & we can never loose the charm of  'first-love',doesn't matter how hard we try.The words still echoes in my ears 'Somehow bring me out of this!!!!!'.

One thing that's positive about relations is they bring out the actual 'you' within yourself,the one you never imagined,the one you never thought,the one you never predicted and the one who you never are.There are some positive things about nostalgia , this tells us how precious other humans are & how unique you are from others.

I lost two of my close friends in the name of 'Love',one who left the world & the other whose just no more than zombie.The movement I lost them,I lost myself & the 'belief' I had in relationships.From the day I  never thought of any relationship other than family.When I meant family , I mean purely blood-relation.But today after speaking with 'G' I felt like there are so many unsaid & truly felt emotions behind every mask.

It's been years since I trusted in any men.I am avoiding them as much as possible,I couldn't imagine myself in Tanu's position.But guess I am wrong.I need to give a try.I need to enjoy each & every relation that humans are destined.

I am an ordinary soul who is always busy running from relations.....I am afraid I might be hurt....But today guess I am a bit changed.....I will start enjoying the life the way I deserve......I am proud of myself......I am one lucky girl to have things around me happening the way they should.....


P.S : It's spring-break from today!!!!!!!Hip-hip-hurray!!!
Lots of Love buddies.....

1000$

I have never seen a 1000$ note & seriously never thought about.But unfortunately today that's the only thing that's popping out of my mind.Noo!!I didn't get my first pay-check or something of that sort.Today I got a call from my bro & informed me that last month's phone bill is a super-duper hit,your friend called directly to India,she might not have used calling card.When I checked the bill payment,I was awestruck to know that it's my mom's new number.I had done a research to know why this happened.Later came to know that this is the only number(partially true) which isn't assigned another 'a-direct-call-number'.Now let me explain this complicated situation,since we use the great free  'AT & T' network(& we have a family plan,)most of the numbers that bro assigned a direct numbers(So he don't need to repeat the tedious process by calling 'Rebtel'-calling card then typing 91+Phone no.)are common to both of us.So he just gave me the numbers.Story is fine till here.But when I called to any other numbers by using calling card,it charged me a fortune.Since most of the calls ended-up with my mom's new number,I am not on that edge of the cliff.

God who knows about the next months bill,from the past two days I didn't sleep and busy with international call so I am sure the bill will go beyond the reach.I don't know whom to yell at,that rebtel company for not giving a proper connection,or myself for dialing 011+91+no. when my bro asked to dial only last two-parts.Nooo!!It's not my mistake, when I dialed 91+no., it told that there's an error in connection.So I used 'my revolutionary mind at work' and attached a front part.So there must be some error some where.Kher chod dho!!All I want is,not to pay the bill,but not to discuss about 'whose fault is this'.So please god bless me,so that something might happen and I don't need to pay this 1000$ bill.So that with the same amount I can enroll in 'Guitar class' and complete it successfully(With the change left I can even have lays my entire semester).

God I even need a part time badly,especially after I joined 'save the mobile companies' program.This is my online request,please take it into consideration ASAP.(No puns intended!!)

Tricky Life

"The tricky thing about life is too often you don't know what's important until the moment passes."

Insomnia

"Some things were better off left buried."

             

P.S : I want to dedicate this post to my assignment,I feel it's better buried so it doesn't bother me any more leading to Insomnia.

The moment I despised mankind

 Now before I go ahead telling you the story,I take pride in introducing my Best Friend Tanu,who is innocent,charming,sensitive,bubbling and full of fun.I know her right from my childhood,so I can easily guess her decisions and attitude.She is so close to me and thrusts me more than a family member.That's why I knew each and everything that happened in her life & why today I lost her.

Tanu and Abhinav are best friends from their high school & care alot for each other.'A' proposed her in 12th class,but Tanu didn't accept the proposal,and indeed didn't believe that he proposed her.She felt so sorry for him,blaming herself,that in one way or the other she might be responsible for his feelings.So she decided not to speak to him anymore,so that it would be for the better cause.Years passed and finally they lost touch with each other.Her life would have been much better if the relation ended-up there and then itself.

Tanu's friend Navya,made a prank by informing 'A' that Tanu got an accident and was badly injured.Concerned 'A' left a scrap 'Get well soon'.In an online chat Tanu came to know that 'A' was so concerned about her,so decided to be friends once again.Unfortunately after some days,'A' proposed to Tanu,her response was positive.The next day she told me she accepted the proposal.Awestruck,I asked her 'Do you love him?'.There came a Big NOOOOOOO!!Then I asked her what's this?She simply told me,somewhere she likes him,but she don't love him & guess she was in truce yesterday so the answer was  'yes'.I warned her,that he don't belong to our caste and your parents are not going to accept this at any cost.She simple replied 'I know I don't love him,but he was so happy yesterday,I can't spoil it.I care a lot for him,you might point out that he might not suit me but that doesn't matter as long as he loves me,he will handle my parents'.

They were happy for an year.I know 'A' always mutters 'I LOVE YOU' to her,he never misses saying these words.He is studying in IIT's and aspires to become a scientist,when I asked which one do you prefer Scientist or Tanu?He replied 'I will be happy to receive an award as a scientist if Tanu is beside me,if I don't have a life with her,it doesn't matter what I am.Simply I am no more.My life ends there,at that movement.You can never find me,not any social-networking sites or whatever.I will just live my life for my parents'.When I thought about them I used to think,they are made for each-other and Tanu is the most luckiest girl in the world.Tanu used to always tell 'A',that no matter what happens even if they are separated she still cares for him her entire life,just the way she cares now.Tanu used to warn 'A' that our relation may not work-out,coz we are different castes,even then she want to see a smile on his face and if really that situation arises,she would prefer to leave the earth & pray for that.

One fine day,'A' came to chat with Tanu,he mentioned that this relation isn't going to happen.She simply asked the reason.He told 'PERSONAL'.The once-upon-a-time his soulmate,life,love had now become a stranger for him.She begged him to tell the reason,so she can lead a normal life again,not pitying herself that she had been deceived.The answer is simple 'I am busy,DON'T DISTURB','Stop IRRITATING me'.Finally one day he came up with the answer that,he came to know the fact that his BC and financially week.Rubbish.Couldn't he come up with  a better reason or a bitter fact.She told him that it didn't matter,and she will offer the possible financial help,he simply called her 'MONEY-MINDED',and told that her caste matters to his family.Finally one day he let it out,he don't have any FEELINGS for her.

She was left alone,all the way.I remembered the days she tried desperately to call him,sobbed till 4am or 5am,skipped her meals,stayed in the rest rooms thinking of him.She was so obsessed that she wasn't able to find any option left except killing herself.She was so innocent and vulnerable that still she called him and explained her situation asking him to just be as friend,and speak politely.She wasn't even lucky to have her minor wish fulfilled.I need to agree that he was patient with her,listened to her when she sobbed and complained for the first few weeks,later he gave-up.But he never realized that he was just listening to her problems,and it's she who is paying for what he had done.
He proposed.
He went around her.
He called her soul-mate.
He told her,his life in incomplete without her.
He told he needed her.
He finally quit.

When I asked about it,he simply replied 'Our relation will never end with a friendship,so this is the only way we can get parted.'.Foolish or Bullshit.I don't know what to call.Why can't he explain his situation,I know my friend is mature enough to understand his problems.But he never understood that or anything about my friend.He was so caring & loving with her,when he thought he loved her.The movement he declared a BREAK-UP,he just ignored her,even when she was admitted in the hospital for an operation.He neither called her,when we asked why?He told that he assumed it was a minor operation & Tanu itself told him that she was okay.She felt so bad for calling him in the last movement before her operation when everyone expected that she had no chances of surviving.

Today,she is neither sobbing nor complaining about him.She is not caring about anything anymore.She changed.No.I think she was lost,some where behind the trees & far away so that one couldn't even peep at her.Today I don't see my friend Tanu any more.She never speaks to anyone other than her family members.She doesn't believe in man,god or who-ever-it-is.She loves solitude.She loves burying herself in books & work,so she doesn't remember any of her past.Now she is invulnerable,she don't have anything to loose.She is not afraid of the world anymore.
Except we are worried about you.
You don't deserve this,for deciding not to grab his happiness by telling him the fact that you don't love him,its just an accident that the words are uttered.
Love You.

I don't know its whose mistake for Tanu being left alone,I couldn't blame anyone,both are my friends.What do you guys think?

What is Love??

What is Love?Is it voluntary enslavement or the freedom of existence.Being a voluntary slave gives us pleasure.But if our 'alter ego' spurn us,we will be left with pain.As far as I have tasted life,pain & pleasure never co-exist. Freedom - you love someone, but doesn't wish to posses him/her,you will be left grieving.There are no circumstances where grief & exemption co-exist.

Which way of destruction is better??

Surrendering ourselves at bay or Being a restless soul..

What is Love?Is it true & profound desire?Is it the desire that makes an ordinary human-being to move the earth & heaven for their loved one's?Is it the desire that is prohibited,unrestricted & uncontrollable?Is it the desire that fails us in repressing our feelings & self-control?Might be love is just a question that seeks answer.

What is Love?Love is something divine.But what is divinity??As all the holy books & gospels proclaim divinity is a form how man try to communicate with god.But no one knows the exact way to reach god.The same way no one knows the exact way to find love.Man is always in search of divinity & love,the path which is full of obstacles.
 
I have read some where "What the eyes don't see,the heart doesn't grieve over'.But there is an exception if we are in love,"What the eyes don't see,the heart does grieve over'. Love is something that makes our heart break & still you cannot point out or try to judge.You are helpless in love.Yes this is my definition for LOVE

P.S : The above post is written after reading PC's quotes...truly inspired by the way he describes Love and relationships...hope you guys to enjoy his novels...

You won yet you lost by Betraying....

'Ho sakhe toh mujhe maaf karoo' aarrgghhhhhhh!!I hate those wordss....

I wonder why do people always do this,no matter whether its a boy or girl.

Why do people say they love someone and make false promises,if they dont have the capability to keep the word.No matter whatever the lame excuse is,it would definitely leave the partner with a broken heart.

If you do have a problem with ur partner tell it the movement,the problem started.Why do u let the problem to bulge out.

If you don't love your partner at least respect them,with the due respect tell them the fact that you don't wanna be around them any longer..Instead why do u still continue to behave the same when she/he is around(ofc, im sure der will b slight difference in ur behaviour,attitude)and fool them by moving with others,when ur partner still blindly believes you are busy with work or jus got struck with some tight schedule so you couldn't show up..n still believes that u r truely,deeply n madly in love with them as they are with you..

And Im sure every person who is cheating will surely mention some reason.Even some might be soo hard to believe like 'she doesn't love me any more' or 'We thought its love but its jus infatuation' and all that crap.

But why dont you think these before you start a relation??

No matter what the reason is you cant justify them..

I am sure,If I have some supernatural power,I wil let them weep their entire lif..coz I strongly believe its worse to break a heart than to kill a person..

The simple solution is talk to your partner and solve the problem the movement it raises,Its not a big deal..you can share your problem with ur once-upon-a-time soul mate..After all in the past its she with whom u shared everything..At least give her a chance to decide her life..Atleast do it jus as a human-being.

"Think a million times before proposing or accepting a proposal,its not a mistake.But don't let the thought creep into your brain after committed,its a mortal sin"

P.S:I Got a forwarded msg which is so aptly true for all such cases..Heres the msg:

"You hurted me more than I deserved,its coz I loved you more than you deserved'

P.P.S:The dialogue in the first line is from the serial 'karam apna apna'.
So readers plz don't misinterpret it as incident from my life.